Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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