Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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