Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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