no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
