why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
