I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
