There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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