He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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