No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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