John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
