i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
