So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
