And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
