it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
