Non-Jews are for practice
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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