You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
