I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
