I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
