my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
