on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
