After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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