Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
