Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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