I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
