he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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