I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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