Will you blow on my dice?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
