She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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