Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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