Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
