Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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