She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize