There was a lot of him and a little penis
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
