Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
