They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
