There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize