When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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