my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
