well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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