You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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