make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
