I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
