im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
