nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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