I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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