I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
