I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
