he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
