I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
A+ Viking dick
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
