This is not my ceiling
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
