Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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