I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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