My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
