i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
