Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
