i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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