How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
