I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize