I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
