im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm really busy with my period
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