I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
