i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
