He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
