She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
