She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize