we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
