Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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