Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
