can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize