life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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