I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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