I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
