you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Congratulations! We have a period
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