I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
