And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
