I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I looked at my own cervix.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
