Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
