Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
