It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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