Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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