Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
