I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
